Former Delaware Governor John Carney began his tenure as Wilmington's mayor with ambitious plans to revitalize the city, address crime, and improve infrastructure. One week later, he is still trying to find a place to park his car.
"I had a motorcade as governor," Carney explained while depositing his 47th quarter into a parking meter on Market Street. "State troopers. Designated spots. People who cleared the way. Now I'm out here with everyone else, and let me tell you—this is humbling."
Sources close to the mayor report that his first official action was supposed to be a meeting with the police chief. Instead, he spent three hours circling Rodney Square looking for a space that wasn't permit-only, under construction, or mysteriously reserved for a vehicle that never appears.
City records show that Carney has accumulated $847 in parking tickets during his first week, including violations for expired meters, parking in a loading zone ("I was loading myself into my office"), and an incident involving what the citation described as "aggressive circling that intimidated other drivers."
"I saw him drive past my window 14 times yesterday," reported City Council member Sarah Henderson. "At first I thought it was a motorcade. Then I realized it was just the mayor, alone, slowly losing his mind."
The situation reached a low point on Thursday when Carney was observed arguing with a parking enforcement officer about whether his official mayoral duties constituted "commercial activity" and thus qualified him for a loading zone exception. They did not.
"Sir, I don't care if you're the mayor," the officer reportedly said. "This is a loading zone. Are you loading or unloading goods? No? Then move along."
Carney has since proposed emergency legislation to add 10,000 new parking spaces downtown, triple the meter time limits, and declare every day a holiday (thus making all meters free). City Council has described the proposal as "unhinged" and "clearly written by someone in parking-induced despair."
"Look, I get it," said Councilwoman Martinez. "We've all been there. But you can't solve your personal parking trauma with municipal policy. That's not how democracy works."
The former governor has also been seen taking the bus, which aides describe as "a learning experience" and "slightly traumatic." When asked about his first week in office, Carney simply replied: "I miss having a driver. I miss having a driver so much."
As of press time, Carney had given up and was considering working from home for the remainder of his term, assuming he can remember where he parked his car to get there.