New Castle County Police have arrested Marcus Chen, 34, in connection with a series of tire slashings that terrorized North Wilmington neighborhoods for the past three months. The shocking twist: Chen wasn't a criminal mastermind—he was just really, really into cycling.
"I was raising awareness for alternative transportation," Chen explained from the back of a police cruiser, still wearing his bike helmet. "I didn't think it would be such a big deal. Cars are destroying the planet."
Over the course of three months, Chen slashed approximately 30 tires in the Brandywood and Wynnwood neighborhoods, always leaving behind a small pamphlet titled "Have You Considered Biking?" Police say they were finally able to track him down after he accidentally left his library card at one crime scene.
"This is Delaware's first documented case of what we're calling 'militant pedestrianism,'" explained Detective Sarah Martinez. "He seemed genuinely confused that people were upset. Like, 'What? I was helping.' It was surreal."
Residents who fell victim to Chen's campaign expressed a mix of anger and bewilderment. "I support bike lanes," said Jennifer Roberts, whose tires were slashed twice. "But this is not how you build a coalition."
Chen's defense attorney argued that his client was "overzealous" but "had good intentions." The judge disagreed, sentencing Chen to repair all 30 tires while bicycling to each victim's house—a punishment prosecutors called "poetic justice" and Chen called "actually kind of in line with my values."
As part of his sentence, Chen must also attend a class on "appropriate advocacy methods" and is banned from NextDoor for life. As of press time, he was seen happily biking to his first community service assignment, seemingly undeterred by the ordeal.